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Top 49 Ambrose Bierce Quotes (MIND-BOGGLING)

Top 10 Most Famous Ambrose Bierce Quotes (BEST)

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.
War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
Quotation, n The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
Marriage, n the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

7 Ambrose Bierce Quotes That Will Make You Think

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.
You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.
Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over.
We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over.
The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.
The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.
Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.

24 Ambrose Bierce Quotes on His Definition of Life

Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
Patience, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.
Patience, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.
Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.
Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.
Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are not as they ought to be.
Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are not as they ought to be.
Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.
Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.
Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves.
Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
Beauty, n the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something he can see and feel.
Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something he can see and feel.
Positive, adj. Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
Positive, adj. Mistaken at the top of one’s voice.
Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity.
Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity.
Edible, adj. Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
Edible, adj. Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
Deliberation, n. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
Deliberation, n. The act of examining one’s bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
Conservative, n A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

8 Funny Ambrose Bierce Quotes About Life

Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
Apologize To lay the foundation for a future offence.
Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offence.
Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
Brain an apparatus with which we think we think.
Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
Future That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
Future: That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
Destiny: A tyrant’s authority for crime and a fool’s excuse for failure.

(MUST READ) The Complete Short Stories of Ambrose Bierce

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