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100 Most Memorable ‘Home Alone’ Quotes (FUNNY)

Top 10 Most Famous ‘Home Alone’ Quotes (BEST)

Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me! - Kevin McCallister
Guys, I’m eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me! – Kevin McCallister
Did I burn down the joint I don't think so. I was making ornaments out of fishhooks. - Kevin McCallister
Did I burn down the joint? I don’t think so. I was making ornaments out of fishhooks. – Kevin McCallister
This house is so full of people, it makes me sick! When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone. - Kevin McCallister
This house is so full of people, it makes me sick! When I grow up and get married, I’m living alone. – Kevin McCallister
All kids, no parents. Probably a fancy orphanage. - Harry
All kids, no parents. Probably a fancy orphanage. – Harry
This is ridiculous. Only a wimp would be hiding under a bed. And I can't be a wimp. I'm the man of the house. - Kevin McCallister
This is ridiculous. Only a wimp would be hiding under a bed. And I can’t be a wimp. I’m the man of the house. – Kevin McCallister
Keep the change, ya filthy animal. - Gangster Johnny
Keep the change, ya filthy animal. – Gangster Johnny
I went shopping yesterday. I got you milk, eggs, and fabric softener. - Kevin McCallister
I went shopping yesterday. I got you milk, eggs, and fabric softener. – Kevin McCallister
If you need somebody to trust, it can be me. I won't forget to remember you. - Kevin McCallister
If you need somebody to trust, it can be me. I won’t forget to remember you. – Kevin McCallister
Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen. - Kevin McCallister
Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen. – Kevin McCallister
Kevinnnnn! - Kate McCallister
Kevinnnnn! – Kate McCallister

Top 20 Most Memorable ‘Home Alone’ Quotes

Fuller, go easy on the Pepsi. - Leslie McCallister
Fuller, go easy on the Pepsi. – Leslie McCallister
You're what the French call, 'les incompétents'. - Linnie McCallister
You’re what the French call, ‘les incompétents’. – Linnie McCallister
Kevin, you are such a disease. - Jeff McCallister
Kevin, you are such a disease. – Jeff McCallister
There are 15 people in this house and you're the only one who has to make trouble. - Kate McCallister
There are 15 people in this house and you’re the only one who has to make trouble. – Kate McCallister
Buzz, I'm reading through all your private stuff, you better come out and pound me! - Kevin McCallister
Buzz, I’m reading through all your private stuff, you better come out and pound me! – Kevin McCallister
Hey, I'm gonna give you to the count of ten, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead! 1, 2, 10! - Gangster Johnny
Hey, I’m gonna give you to the count of ten, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead! 1, 2, 10! – Gangster Johnny
This is my house. I have to defend it. - Kevin McCallister
This is my house. I have to defend it. – Kevin McCallister
Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken - Marv
Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken? – Marv
Merry Christmas, little fella. We know that you're in there, and that you're all alone. - Harry
Merry Christmas, little fella. We know that you’re in there, and that you’re all alone. – Harry
You guys give up Or are you thirsty for more - Kevin
You guys give up? Or are you thirsty for more? – Kevin
Oh, wouldn't want to spoil your fun, Mr. Cheapskate! - Kevin McCallister
Oh, wouldn’t want to spoil your fun, Mr. Cheapskate! – Kevin McCallister
American don't fly to the promised land, little buddy. - Marv
American don’t fly to the promised land, little buddy. – Marv
You better not wreck my trip, you little sourpuss. Your dad is paying good money for it. - Frank
You better not wreck my trip, you little sourpuss. Your dad is paying good money for it. – Frank
You ever heard of the south bend shovel slayer - Buzz McCallister
You ever heard of the south bend shovel slayer? – Buzz McCallister
If it makes you feel any better, I forgot my reading glasses. - Uncle Frank
If it makes you feel any better, I forgot my reading glasses. – Uncle Frank
We slept in! - Kate and Peter McCallister
We slept in! – Kate and Peter McCallister
Have a great trip. Bring me back something French! - Mitch
Have a great trip. Bring me back something French! – Mitch
I'm a criminal. - Kevin McCallister
I’m a criminal. – Kevin McCallister
Kevin you're such a disease. - Jeff
Kevin you’re such a disease. – Jeff
All the great ones leave their mark. We're the wet bandits! - Marv
All the great ones leave their mark. We’re the wet bandits! – Marv

7 Heart-Warming ‘Home Alone’ Quotes

“If you won’t use your heart, who cares if it gets broken? If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it’ll be like my rollerblades. When you do decide to try it, it won’t be any good. You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose.”

Kevin McCallister
I was afraid of getting my heart broken again. Sometimes you can trust a person, and then, when things are down, they forget about you. - Bird Lady
I was afraid of getting my heart broken again. Sometimes you can trust a person, and then, when things are down, they forget about you. – Bird Lady
You can say hello when you see me. You don’t have to be afraid. - Marley
You can say hello when you see me. You don’t have to be afraid. – Marley
You can be too old for a lot of things, but you're never too old to be afraid. - Marley
You can be too old for a lot of things, but you’re never too old to be afraid. – Marley
Your heart might still be broken, but it isn't gone. If it was gone, you wouldn't be so nice. - Kevin McCallister
Your heart might still be broken, but it isn’t gone. If it was gone, you wouldn’t be so nice. – Kevin McCallister
You're always welcome at church. - Marley
You’re always welcome at church. – Marley
Turtle doves are a symbol of friendship and love. And as long as each of you has your turtle dove, you'll be friends forever. - Mr. Duncan
Turtle doves are a symbol of friendship and love. And as long as each of you has your turtle dove, you’ll be friends forever. – Mr. Duncan

7 ‘Home Alone’ Quotes About Family

“I’d probably be lying dead in a gutter somewhere. But not Kevin. Kevin is so much stronger and braver than I am. But he’s still a kid lost in a big city; he doesn’t deserve that. He should be at home with his family around his Christmas tree. Oh my God! I know where he is — I need to get to Rockefeller Center immediately.”

Kate McCallister
I made my family disappear. - Kevin McCallister
I made my family disappear. – Kevin McCallister
Will you please tell Santa that instead of presents this year, I just want my family back - Kevin McCallister
Will you please tell Santa that instead of presents this year, I just want my family back? – Kevin McCallister

“I don’t care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike! If it costs me everything I own, if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself, I am going to get home to my son.”

Kate McCallister
How you feel about your family is a complicated thing. - Old Man Marley
How you feel about your family is a complicated thing. – Old Man Marley

“I know I don’t deserve a Christmas, even if I did do a good deed. I don’t want any presents. Instead, I want to take back every mean thing I ever said to my family. Even if they don’t take back the things they said to me. I don’t care. I love all of them… Including Buzz. I know it isn’t possible to see them all. Could I just see my mother? I’ll never want another thing as long as I live if I can just see my mother. I know I won’t see her tonight, but promise me I can see her again. Sometime. Any time. Even if it’s just once and only for a couple of minutes. I just need to tell her I’m sorry.”

Kevin McCallister

“Fine, I don’t wanna be down there, anyway. I can’t trust anybody in this family. And you know what? If I had my own money, I’d go on my own vacation. Alone. Without any of you guys. And I’d have the most fun in my whole life.”

Kevin McCallister

6 ‘Home Alone’ Quotes About Christmas

“No, no, no, no, no. It’s Christmastime. There’s always a lot of burglaries around the holidays. So we’re just in the neighborhood to see if everyone’s taking the proper precautions. That’s all.”

Harry
Damn. How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve What's next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny - Santa Claus
Damn. How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What’s next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny? – Santa Claus
Mom, does Santa Claus have to go through customs - Brooke McCallister
Mom, does Santa Claus have to go through customs? – Brooke McCallister
You can mess with a lot of things. But you can’t mess with kids on Christmas. - Kevin McCallister
You can mess with a lot of things. But you can’t mess with kids on Christmas. – Kevin McCallister
How could you have Christmas without a Christmas tree, Mom - Kevin McCallister
How could you have Christmas without a Christmas tree, Mom? – Kevin McCallister
It's Christmas Eve. Good deeds count extra tonight. Think of an important thing you can do for others, and go do it. Just follow the star in your heart. - Bird Lady
It’s Christmas Eve. Good deeds count extra tonight. Think of an important thing you can do for others, and go do it. Just follow the star in your heart. – Bird Lady

16 ‘Home Alone’ Quotes by the Lead Protagonist, Kevin McCallister

“I’m traveling with my dad. He’s at a meeting. I hate meetings. Plus, I’m not allowed to go in. I can only sit in the lobby. That’s boring. So he dropped me off here. He gave me his credit card and told me to give this to whoever was welcoming people in so I won’t get into mischief. And ma’am, sometimes I do get into mischief. We all do!”

Kevin McCallister
Buzz, your girlfriend. Woof! - Kevin McCallister
Buzz, your girlfriend. Woof! – Kevin McCallister
A lovely cheese pizza. Just for me. - Kevin McCallister
A lovely cheese pizza. Just for me. – Kevin McCallister
This is it. Don’t get scared now. - Kevin McCallister
This is it. Don’t get scared now. – Kevin McCallister

“I had a nice pair of rollerblades. I was afraid to wreck them, so I kept them in a box. Do you know what happened? I outgrew them. I never wore them outside. Only in my room a few times.”

Kevin McCallister
Why do I get treated like scum! - Kevin McCallister
Why do I get treated like scum! – Kevin McCallister
Don’t you know a kid always wins against two idiots - Kevin McCallister
Don’t you know a kid always wins against two idiots? – Kevin McCallister
I’m 10 years old. TV is my life. - Kevin McCallister
I’m 10 years old. TV is my life. – Kevin McCallister

“At least you’ll know. Then you could stop worrying about it. Then you won’t have to be afraid anymore. I don’t care how mad I was, I would talk to my dad. Especially around the holidays.”

Kevin McCallister
It’s a nice night for a neck injury. - Kevin McCallister
It’s a nice night for a neck injury. – Kevin McCallister
I'm not apologizing to Buzz; I'd rather kiss a toilet seat! - Kevin McCallister
I’m not apologizing to Buzz; I’d rather kiss a toilet seat! – Kevin McCallister

“Howdy, do. This is Peter McCallister, the father. I’d like a hotel room please, with an extra large bed, a TV, and one of those little refrigerators you have to open with a key. Credit card? You got it.”

Kevin McCallister
Excuse me, but this is an emergency. What city is it out there - Kevin McCallister
Excuse me, but this is an emergency. What city is it out there? – Kevin McCallister
No offense, aren't you too old to be afraid - Kevin McCallister
No offense, aren’t you too old to be afraid? – Kevin McCallister
I hope I never see any of you jerks again! - Kevin McCallister
I hope I never see any of you jerks again! – Kevin McCallister
My family's in Florida… I'm in… New York - Kevin McCallister
My family’s in Florida… I’m in… New York? – Kevin McCallister

4 ‘Home Alone’ Quotes by Buzz McCallister

“A, I’m not that lucky. Two, we use smoke detectors and D, we live on the most boring street in the whole United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will happen. Period.”

Buzz McCallister
Beat that you little trout sniffer. - Buzz McCallister
Beat that you little trout sniffer. – Buzz McCallister
Kevin! What did you do to my room - Buzz McCallister
Kevin! What did you do to my room? – Buzz McCallister
He went shopping He doesn't know how to tie his shoe and he's going shopping! - Buzz McCallister
He went shopping? He doesn’t know how to tie his shoe and he’s going shopping! – Buzz McCallister

10 ‘Home Alone’ Quotes by Harry

Crowbars up. - Harry
Crowbars up. – Harry
Where are you, you little creep - Harry
Where are you, you little creep? – Harry
I don’t get it. I mean, right now it looks like there’s nobody home. Last night the place was jumping. Something ain’t right. - Harry
I don’t get it. I mean, right now it looks like there’s nobody home. Last night the place was jumping. Something ain’t right. – Harry
What’s so funny What are you laughing at You did it again, didn’t you You left the water running. What’s wrong with you Why do you do that I told you not to do it. - Harry
What’s so funny? What are you laughing at? You did it again, didn’t you? You left the water running. What’s wrong with you? Why do you do that? I told you not to do it. – Harry
That’s the one, Marv, that’s the silver tuna. - Harry
That’s the one, Marv, that’s the silver tuna. – Harry
Very gee, huh It’s loaded. It’s got lots of top-flight goods. Stereos, VCRs. - Harry
Very gee, huh? It’s loaded. It’s got lots of top-flight goods. Stereos, VCRs. – Harry
Here we are, Marv. New York City, the Land of Opportunity. Smell that - Harry
Here we are, Marv. New York City, the Land of Opportunity. Smell that? – Harry
You better say every prayer you ever heard, kid. - Harry
You better say every prayer you ever heard, kid. – Harry
Shut up, Marv! You got the right to remain silent, you know. - Harry
Shut up, Marv! You got the right to remain silent, you know. – Harry
May I do the thinking, please - Harry
May I do the thinking, please? – Harry

4 ‘Home Alone’ Quotes by Marv

He’s a kid. Kids are stupid. I know I was. - Marv
He’s a kid. Kids are stupid. I know I was. – Marv
You may have won the battle, little dude, but you lost the war. - Marv
You may have won the battle, little dude, but you lost the war. – Marv
I'm gonna kill that kid! - Marv
I’m gonna kill that kid! – Marv
I hope your parents got you a tombstone for Christmas. - Marv
I hope your parents got you a tombstone for Christmas. – Marv

2 ‘Home Alone’ Quotes by Bird Lady

The man I loved fell out of love with me. That broke my heart. When the chance to be loved came along again, I ran away from it. I stopped trusting people. - Bird Lady
The man I loved fell out of love with me. That broke my heart. When the chance to be loved came along again, I ran away from it. I stopped trusting people. – Bird Lady
Don't make promises you can't keep. - Bird Lady
Don’t make promises you can’t keep. – Bird Lady

12 ‘Home Alone’ Quotes That Will Make You Laugh (FUNNY)

“I took a shower washing every body part with actual soap, including all my major crevices…including in between my toes and in my belly button, which I never did before but sort of enjoyed.”

Kevin McCallister
Look what you did you little jerk. - Uncle Frank
Look what you did you little jerk. – Uncle Frank
Don't you know how to knock, phlegm-wad - Buzz McCallister
Don’t you know how to knock, phlegm-wad? – Buzz McCallister
I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my a! - Buzz
I wouldn’t let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my a**! – Buzz

“My tie is in the bathroom and I can’t go in because Uncle Frank is taking a shower. He says that if I walked in there and saw him naked, I’d grow up never feeling like a real man.”

Kevin McCallister
Say… is it true French babes don't shave their pits - Buzz
Say… is it true French babes don’t shave their pits? – Buzz
Has this toothbrush been approved by the American Dental Association - Kevin McCallister
Has this toothbrush been approved by the American Dental Association? – Kevin McCallister
Down here, you big horse's a. Come and get me before I call the police. - Kevin McCallister
Down here, you big horse’s a**. Come and get me before I call the police. – Kevin McCallister
I don't want to sleep on the hide-a-bed with Fuller. If he has something to drink, he'll wet the bed. - Kevin McCallister
I don’t want to sleep on the hide-a-bed with Fuller. If he has something to drink, he’ll wet the bed. – Kevin McCallister
Get outta here you nosy little pervert, or I'm gonna slap you silly! - Uncle Frank
Get outta here you nosy little pervert, or I’m gonna slap you silly! – Uncle Frank
You can get beat up for wearing something like that. Yeah, I had a friend who got nailed because there was a rumor he wore dinosaur pajamas. - Kevin McCallister
You can get beat up for wearing something like that. Yeah, I had a friend who got nailed because there was a rumor he wore dinosaur pajamas. – Kevin McCallister
What am I supposed to do, shake his hand and say Congratulations, you're an idiot. - Megan McCallister
What am I supposed to do, shake his hand and say “Congratulations, you’re an idiot?”. – Megan McCallister

2 ‘Home Alone’ Quotes That Will Make You Think

What kind of hotel allows a child to check-in alone - Kate McCallister
What kind of hotel allows a child to check-in alone? – Kate McCallister
You be positive. I'll be realistic. - Uncle Frank
You be positive. I’ll be realistic. – Uncle Frank

(MUST READ) Home Alone: The Classic Illustrated Storybook (Pop Classics)

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Most Memorable 'Home Alone' Quotes (FUNNY) - Gracious Quotes

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