100 Most Memorable ‘Home Alone’ Quotes (FUNNY)

Page Contents:

Top 10 Most Famous ‘Home Alone’ Quotes (BEST)

Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me! - Kevin McCallister — Guys, I’m eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me! – Kevin McCallister

Did I burn down the joint I don't think so. I was making ornaments out of fishhooks. - Kevin McCallister — Did I burn down the joint? I don’t think so. I was making ornaments out of fishhooks. – Kevin McCallister

This house is so full of people, it makes me sick! When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone. - Kevin McCallister — This house is so full of people, it makes me sick! When I grow up and get **married**, I’m living alone. – Kevin McCallister

All kids, no parents. Probably a fancy orphanage. - Harry — All kids, no **parents**. Probably a fancy orphanage. – Harry

This is ridiculous. Only a wimp would be hiding under a bed. And I can't be a wimp. I'm the man of the house. - Kevin McCallister — This is ridiculous. Only a wimp would be hiding under a bed. And I can’t be a wimp. I’m the man of the house. – Kevin McCallister

Keep the change, ya filthy animal. - Gangster Johnny — Keep the change, ya filthy animal. – Gangster Johnny

I went shopping yesterday. I got you milk, eggs, and fabric softener. - Kevin McCallister — I went shopping yesterday. I got you milk, eggs, and fabric softener. – Kevin McCallister

If you need somebody to trust, it can be me. I won't forget to remember you. - Kevin McCallister — If you need somebody to **trust**, it can be me. I won’t forget to remember you. – Kevin McCallister

Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen. - Kevin McCallister — **Bless** this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen. – Kevin McCallister

Kevinnnnn! - Kate McCallister — Kevinnnnn! – Kate McCallister

Top 20 Most Memorable ‘Home Alone’ Quotes

Fuller, go easy on the Pepsi. - Leslie McCallister — Fuller, go easy on the Pepsi. – Leslie McCallister

You're what the French call, 'les incompétents'. - Linnie McCallister — You’re what the French call, ‘les incompétents’. – Linnie McCallister

Kevin, you are such a disease. - Jeff McCallister — Kevin, you are such a disease. – Jeff McCallister

There are 15 people in this house and you're the only one who has to make trouble. - Kate McCallister — There are 15 people in this house and you’re the only one who has to make trouble. – Kate McCallister

Buzz, I'm reading through all your private stuff, you better come out and pound me! - Kevin McCallister — Buzz, I’m **reading** through all your private stuff, you better come out and pound me! – Kevin McCallister

Hey, I'm gonna give you to the count of ten, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead! 1, 2, 10! - Gangster Johnny — Hey, I’m gonna give you to the count of ten, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead! 1, 2, 10! – Gangster Johnny

This is my house. I have to defend it. - Kevin McCallister — This is my house. I have to defend it. – Kevin McCallister

Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken - Marv — Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken? – Marv

Merry Christmas, little fella. We know that you're in there, and that you're all alone. - Harry — Merry **Christmas**, little fella. We know that you’re in there, and that you’re all alone. – Harry

You guys give up Or are you thirsty for more - Kevin — You guys give up? Or are you thirsty for more? – Kevin

Oh, wouldn't want to spoil your fun, Mr. Cheapskate! - Kevin McCallister — Oh, wouldn’t want to spoil your fun, Mr. Cheapskate! – Kevin McCallister

American don't fly to the promised land, little buddy. - Marv — American don’t fly to the promised land, little buddy. – Marv

You better not wreck my trip, you little sourpuss. Your dad is paying good money for it. - Frank — You better not wreck my trip, you little sourpuss. Your dad is paying good **money** for it. – Frank

You ever heard of the south bend shovel slayer - Buzz McCallister — You ever heard of the south bend shovel slayer? – Buzz McCallister

If it makes you feel any better, I forgot my reading glasses. - Uncle Frank — If it makes you feel any better, I forgot my reading glasses. – Uncle Frank

We slept in! - Kate and Peter McCallister — We **slept** in! – Kate and Peter McCallister

Have a great trip. Bring me back something French! - Mitch — Have a great trip. Bring me back something French! – Mitch

I'm a criminal. - Kevin McCallister — I’m a criminal. – Kevin McCallister

Kevin you're such a disease. - Jeff — Kevin you’re such a disease. – Jeff

All the great ones leave their mark. We're the wet bandits! - Marv — All the great ones leave their mark. We’re the wet bandits! – Marv

7 Heart-Warming ‘Home Alone’ Quotes

“If you won’t use your heart, who cares if it gets broken? If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it’ll be like my rollerblades. When you do decide to try it, it won’t be any good. You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose.”
Kevin McCallister

I was afraid of getting my heart broken again. Sometimes you can trust a person, and then, when things are down, they forget about you. - Bird Lady — I was afraid of getting my heart broken again. Sometimes you can trust a person, and then, when things are down, they forget about you. – Bird Lady

You can say hello when you see me. You don’t have to be afraid. - Marley — You can say hello when you see me. You don’t have to be afraid. – Marley

You can be too old for a lot of things, but you're never too old to be afraid. - Marley — You can be too old for a lot of things, but you’re never too old to be afraid. – Marley

Your heart might still be broken, but it isn't gone. If it was gone, you wouldn't be so nice. - Kevin McCallister — Your heart might still be broken, but it isn’t gone. If it was gone, you wouldn’t be so nice. – Kevin McCallister

You're always welcome at church. - Marley — You’re always welcome at church. – Marley

Turtle doves are a symbol of friendship and love. And as long as each of you has your turtle dove, you'll be friends forever. - Mr. Duncan — Turtle doves are a symbol of **friendship** and **love**. And as long as each of you has your turtle dove, you’ll be friends forever. – Mr. Duncan

7 ‘Home Alone’ Quotes About Family

“I’d probably be lying dead in a gutter somewhere. But not Kevin. Kevin is so much stronger and braver than I am. But he’s still a kid lost in a big city; he doesn’t deserve that. He should be at home with his family around his Christmas tree. Oh my God! I know where he is — I need to get to Rockefeller Center immediately.”
Kate McCallister

I made my family disappear. - Kevin McCallister — I made my family disappear. – Kevin McCallister

Will you please tell Santa that instead of presents this year, I just want my family back - Kevin McCallister — Will you please tell Santa that instead of presents this year, I just want my family back? – Kevin McCallister

“I don’t care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike! If it costs me everything I own, if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself, I am going to get home to my son.”
Kate McCallister

How you feel about your family is a complicated thing. - Old Man Marley — How you feel about your family is a complicated thing. – Old Man Marley

“I know I don’t deserve a Christmas, even if I did do a good deed. I don’t want any presents. Instead, I want to take back every mean thing I ever said to my family. Even if they don’t take back the things they said to me. I don’t care. I love all of them… Including Buzz. I know it isn’t possible to see them all. Could I just see my mother? I’ll never want another thing as long as I live if I can just see my mother. I know I won’t see her tonight, but promise me I can see her again. Sometime. Any time. Even if it’s just once and only for a couple of minutes. I just need to tell her I’m sorry.”
Kevin McCallister

“Fine, I don’t wanna be down there, anyway. I can’t trust anybody in this family. And you know what? If I had my own money, I’d go on my own vacation. Alone. Without any of you guys. And I’d have the most fun in my whole life.”
Kevin McCallister

6 ‘Home Alone’ Quotes About Christmas

“No, no, no, no, no. It’s Christmastime. There’s always a lot of burglaries around the holidays. So we’re just in the neighborhood to see if everyone’s taking the proper precautions. That’s all.”
Harry

Damn. How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve What's next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny - Santa Claus — Damn. How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What’s next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny? – Santa Claus

Mom, does Santa Claus have to go through customs - Brooke McCallister — Mom, does Santa Claus have to go through customs? – Brooke McCallister

You can mess with a lot of things. But you can’t mess with kids on Christmas. - Kevin McCallister — You can mess with a lot of things. But you can’t mess with kids on Christmas. – Kevin McCallister

How could you have Christmas without a Christmas tree, Mom - Kevin McCallister — How could you have Christmas without a Christmas tree, Mom? – Kevin McCallister

It's Christmas Eve. Good deeds count extra tonight. Think of an important thing you can do for others, and go do it. Just follow the star in your heart. - Bird Lady — It’s Christmas Eve. Good deeds count extra tonight. Think of an important thing you can do for others, and go do it. Just follow the star in your heart. – Bird Lady

16 ‘Home Alone’ Quotes by the Lead Protagonist, Kevin McCallister

“I’m traveling with my dad. He’s at a meeting. I hate meetings. Plus, I’m not allowed to go in. I can only sit in the lobby. That’s boring. So he dropped me off here. He gave me his credit card and told me to give this to whoever was welcoming people in so I won’t get into mischief. And ma’am, sometimes I do get into mischief. We all do!”
Kevin McCallister

Buzz, your girlfriend. Woof! - Kevin McCallister — Buzz, your girlfriend. Woof! – Kevin McCallister

A lovely cheese pizza. Just for me. - Kevin McCallister — A lovely cheese pizza. Just for me. – Kevin McCallister

This is it. Don’t get scared now. - Kevin McCallister — This is it. Don’t get scared now. – Kevin McCallister

“I had a nice pair of rollerblades. I was afraid to wreck them, so I kept them in a box. Do you know what happened? I outgrew them. I never wore them outside. Only in my room a few times.”
Kevin McCallister

Why do I get treated like scum! - Kevin McCallister — Why do I get treated like scum! – Kevin McCallister

Don’t you know a kid always wins against two idiots - Kevin McCallister — Don’t you know a kid always **wins** against two idiots? – Kevin McCallister

I’m 10 years old. TV is my life. - Kevin McCallister — I’m 10 years old. TV is my life. – Kevin McCallister

“At least you’ll know. Then you could stop worrying about it. Then you won’t have to be afraid anymore. I don’t care how mad I was, I would talk to my dad. Especially around the holidays.”
Kevin McCallister

It’s a nice night for a neck injury. - Kevin McCallister — It’s a nice night for a neck injury. – Kevin McCallister

I'm not apologizing to Buzz; I'd rather kiss a toilet seat! - Kevin McCallister — I’m not apologizing to Buzz; I’d rather kiss a toilet seat! – Kevin McCallister

“Howdy, do. This is Peter McCallister, the father. I’d like a hotel room please, with an extra large bed, a TV, and one of those little refrigerators you have to open with a key. Credit card? You got it.”
Kevin McCallister

Excuse me, but this is an emergency. What city is it out there - Kevin McCallister — Excuse me, but this is an emergency. What city is it out there? – Kevin McCallister

No offense, aren't you too old to be afraid - Kevin McCallister — No offense, aren’t you too old to be afraid? – Kevin McCallister

I hope I never see any of you jerks again! - Kevin McCallister — I hope I never see any of you jerks again! – Kevin McCallister

My family's in Florida… I'm in… New York - Kevin McCallister — My family’s in Florida… I’m in… New York? – Kevin McCallister

4 ‘Home Alone’ Quotes by Buzz McCallister

“A, I’m not that lucky. Two, we use smoke detectors and D, we live on the most boring street in the whole United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will happen. Period.”
Buzz McCallister

Beat that you little trout sniffer. - Buzz McCallister — Beat that you little trout sniffer. – Buzz McCallister

Kevin! What did you do to my room - Buzz McCallister — Kevin! What did you do to my room? – Buzz McCallister

He went shopping He doesn't know how to tie his shoe and he's going shopping! - Buzz McCallister — He went shopping? He doesn’t know how to tie his shoe and he’s going shopping! – Buzz McCallister

10 ‘Home Alone’ Quotes by Harry

Crowbars up. - Harry — Crowbars up. – Harry

Where are you, you little creep - Harry — Where are you, you little creep? – Harry

I don’t get it. I mean, right now it looks like there’s nobody home. Last night the place was jumping. Something ain’t right. - Harry — I don’t get it. I mean, right now it looks like there’s nobody home. Last night the place was jumping. Something ain’t right. – Harry

What’s so funny What are you laughing at You did it again, didn’t you You left the water running. What’s wrong with you Why do you do that I told you not to do it. - Harry — What’s so funny? What are you **laughing** at? You did it again, didn’t you? You left the water running. What’s wrong with you? Why do you do that? I told you not to do it. – Harry

That’s the one, Marv, that’s the silver tuna. - Harry — That’s the one, Marv, that’s the **silver** tuna. – Harry

Very gee, huh It’s loaded. It’s got lots of top-flight goods. Stereos, VCRs. - Harry — Very gee, huh? It’s loaded. It’s got lots of top-flight goods. Stereos, VCRs. – Harry

Here we are, Marv. New York City, the Land of Opportunity. Smell that - Harry — Here we are, Marv. New York City, the Land of **Opportunity**. Smell that? – Harry

You better say every prayer you ever heard, kid. - Harry — You better say every **prayer** you ever heard, kid. – Harry

Shut up, Marv! You got the right to remain silent, you know. - Harry — Shut up, Marv! You got the right to remain silent, you know. – Harry

May I do the thinking, please - Harry — May I do the thinking, please? – Harry

4 ‘Home Alone’ Quotes by Marv

He’s a kid. Kids are stupid. I know I was. - Marv — He’s a kid. Kids are stupid. I know I was. – Marv

You may have won the battle, little dude, but you lost the war. - Marv — You may have won the battle, little dude, but you lost the war. – Marv

I'm gonna kill that kid! - Marv — I’m gonna kill that kid! – Marv

I hope your parents got you a tombstone for Christmas. - Marv — I hope your parents got you a tombstone for Christmas. – Marv

2 ‘Home Alone’ Quotes by Bird Lady

The man I loved fell out of love with me. That broke my heart. When the chance to be loved came along again, I ran away from it. I stopped trusting people. - Bird Lady — The man I loved fell out of love with me. That broke my heart. When the chance to be loved came along again, I ran away from it. I stopped trusting people. – Bird Lady

Don't make promises you can't keep. - Bird Lady — Don’t make promises you can’t keep. – Bird Lady

12 ‘Home Alone’ Quotes That Will Make You Laugh (FUNNY)

“I took a shower washing every body part with actual soap, including all my major crevices…including in between my toes and in my belly button, which I never did before but sort of enjoyed.”
Kevin McCallister

Look what you did you little jerk. - Uncle Frank — Look what you did you little jerk. – Uncle Frank

Don't you know how to knock, phlegm-wad - Buzz McCallister — Don’t you know how to knock, phlegm-wad? – Buzz McCallister

I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my a! - Buzz — I wouldn’t let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my a**! – Buzz

“My tie is in the bathroom and I can’t go in because Uncle Frank is taking a shower. He says that if I walked in there and saw him naked, I’d grow up never feeling like a real man.”
Kevin McCallister