40 Inspiring Chris Rock Quotes (COMEDIAN)

Top 10 Most Famous Chris Rock Quotes (BEST)

Listen to people that are smarter than you.

A man is only as faithful as his options. — A man is only as **faithful** as his options.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

You can be married and bored, or single and lonely. Ain’t no happiness nowhere. — You can be **married** and bored, or single and lonely. Ain’t no **happiness** nowhere.

You can only offend me if you mean something to me.

You don't pay taxes - they take taxes. — You don’t pay taxes – they take **taxes**.

Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.

I don’t get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there’s no rehab for stupidity.

Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know — Yeah, I love being famous. It’s almost like being white, y’know?

11 Funny Chris Rock Quotes that will Make You Think (WISDOM)

“When I hear people talk about juggling or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they’re crazy because ‘sacrifice‘ infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.”
Chris Rock

Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders. — Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn’t have any innocent bystanders.

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game. — If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you’re ahead of the game.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty. — If a woman tells you she’s twenty and looks sixteen, she’s twelve. If she tells you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s damn near fourty.

“Oprah is rich, Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah’s money, he’d jump out a f***ing window and slit his throat on the way down saying, ‘I can’t even put gas in my plane!’”
Chris Rock

I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

When you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their representative.

Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life. — **Music** is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

Every man has to settle down eventually. You know why you gotta settle down eventually Because you don’t want to be the old guy in the club. — Every man has to settle down eventually. You know why you gotta settle down eventually? Because you don’t want to be the old guy in the club.

4 Chris Rock Quotes on Black and White of America (EQUALITY)

“We got a justice system for rich, for poor, for black, for white. We live in a country where two people can do the exact same crime in the exact same place at the exact same time and get a different sentence.”
Chris Rock

Every town has the same two malls the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to. — Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.

People are always going to, you know, find something wrong with people who are not the exact same as them. That’s just what it is. Black, white, short, tall, religions, whatever. People are bad.

11 Inspirational Chris Rock Quotes About Life

“You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.”
Chris Rock