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40 Inspiring Chris Rock Quotes (COMEDIAN)

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Top 10 Most Famous Chris Rock Quotes (BEST)

Listen to people that are smarter than you.
Listen to people that are smarter than you.
A man is only as faithful as his options.
A man is only as faithful as his options.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
You can be married and bored, or single and lonely. Ain’t no happiness nowhere.
You can be married and bored, or single and lonely. Ain’t no happiness nowhere.
You can only offend me if you mean something to me.
You can only offend me if you mean something to me.
You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.
You don’t pay taxes – they take taxes.
Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.
Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.
I don’t get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there’s no rehab for stupidity.
I don’t get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there’s no rehab for stupidity.
Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know
Yeah, I love being famous. It’s almost like being white, y’know?

11 Funny Chris Rock Quotes that will Make You Think (WISDOM)

“When I hear people talk about juggling or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they’re crazy because ‘sacrifice‘ infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.”

Chris Rock
Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.
Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn’t have any innocent bystanders.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you’re ahead of the game.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
If a woman tells you she’s twenty and looks sixteen, she’s twelve. If she tells you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s damn near fourty.

“Oprah is rich, Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah’s money, he’d jump out a f***ing window and slit his throat on the way down saying, ‘I can’t even put gas in my plane!’”

Chris Rock
I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
When you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their representative.
When you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their representative.
Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life.
Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Every man has to settle down eventually. You know why you gotta settle down eventually Because you don’t want to be the old guy in the club.
Every man has to settle down eventually. You know why you gotta settle down eventually? Because you don’t want to be the old guy in the club.

4 Chris Rock Quotes on Black and White of America (EQUALITY)

“We got a justice system for rich, for poor, for black, for white. We live in a country where two people can do the exact same crime in the exact same place at the exact same time and get a different sentence.”

Chris Rock
Every town has the same two malls the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.
Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.
Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.
Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.
People are always going to, you know, find something wrong with people who are not the exact same as them. That’s just what it is. Black, white, short, tall, religions, whatever. People are bad.
People are always going to, you know, find something wrong with people who are not the exact same as them. That’s just what it is. Black, white, short, tall, religions, whatever. People are bad.

11 Inspirational Chris Rock Quotes About Life

“You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.”

Chris Rock
With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.
With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.
Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success.
Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success.
I think it’s better to have ideas. You can change an idea; changing a belief is trickier.
I think it’s better to have ideas. You can change an idea; changing a belief is trickier.
Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.
Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it’s about having a lot of options.
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.
Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.
You are in a competition… Every room you’re in, you’re competing with the people that played that room and you have to be at least as good as the other people that played that room.
You are in a competition… Every room you’re in, you’re competing with the people that played that room and you have to be at least as good as the other people that played that room.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
No matter what happens or how difficult things become, you will eventually feel better.
No matter what happens or how difficult things become, you will eventually feel better.
Now that I have children, I realize taking care of my children is more fun than anything in the whole world.
Now that I have children, I realize taking care of my children is more fun than anything in the whole world.

4 Chris Rock Quotes on Doing Stand-up Comedy

Funny is only something that others know about you — you can’t be funny by yourself.
Funny is only something that others know about you — you can’t be funny by yourself.
When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show.
When I do stand-up, I’m basically doing a one-man show.
Everything’s funny — in the right context and done by the right person.
Everything’s funny — in the right context and done by the right person.
I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking.
I’ll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking.

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Inspiring Chris Rock Quotes (COMEDIAN) - Gracious Quotes