Top 44 Most Famous Bill Maher Quotes (COMEDIAN)

Top 11 Most Famous Bill Maher Quotes (BEST)

“The one thing I’ve learned through all the ups and downs is that if you’re doing things right, then you have a core group of people. Not just a core group like your homies or your buddies, but a group of people that has a good influence on you, who you respect and admire, and you know that if they’re on your side, you’re doing something right.”
Bill Maher

Political correctness is America's newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance. — Political correctness is America’s newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance.

If you're going to have delusions, I suppose the only dignified way to maintain them is to be a comedian. — If you’re going to have delusions, I suppose the only dignified way to maintain them is to be a comedian.

The problem isn't that Johnny can't read. The problem isn't even that Johnny can't think. The problem is that Johnny doesn't know what thinking is; he confuses it with feeling. — The problem isn’t that Johnny can’t read. The problem isn’t even that Johnny can’t think. The problem is that Johnny doesn’t know what thinking is; he confuses it with feeling.

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

“Freedom isn’t free. It shouldn’t be a bragging point that ‘Oh, I don’t get involved in politics,’ as if that makes someone cleaner. No, that makes you derelict of duty in a republic. Liars and panderers in government would have a much harder time of it if so many people didn’t insist on their right to remain ignorant and blindly agreeable.”
Bill Maher

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

The Second Amendment is just words on paper without an interpretation by a responsible adult. — The Second Amendment is just words on paper without an interpretation by a **responsible** adult.

Don't get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance. — Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.

If you think you have it tough, read history books. — If you think you have it tough, **read** history books.

Curious people are interesting people; I wonder why that is.

8 Funny Bill Maher Quotes

“New Rule: Stop asking Miss USA contestants if they believe in evolution. It’s not their field. It’s like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair scrunchies. Here’s what they know about: spray tans, fake boobs and baton twirling. Here’s what they don’t know about: everything else. If I cared about the uninformed opinions of some ditsy beauty queen, I’d join the Tea Party.”
Bill Maher

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got — Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?

I'll show you Obama's birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin's high school diploma. — I’ll show you Obama’s birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin’s high school diploma.

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. — Kids. They’re not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.

“Saying someone is religious is heard in most of America as a compliment, a reassuring affirmation that someone will be moral, ethical, and after a few glasses of wine, a freak in the bedroom.”
Bill Maher

Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious. — Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.

I find that the world is changing much, much faster than I can even bitch about it. — I find that the world is **changing** much, much faster than I can even bitch about it.

They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed. — They’re talking about banning cigarette **smoking** now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.

6 Bill Maher Quotes About Religion

Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think that they do. — Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don’t have all the answers to think that they do.

I think religion is a neurological disorder.

Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need. — Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.

The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right. — The country has become much more conservative, partly because it’s been taken over by the religious right.

Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sex position.

We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think religion stops people from thinking. I think it justified crazies.

3 Bill Maher Quotes About The Bible

The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally. — I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the **Bible** literally.

To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I agree.' — To most **Christians**, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I agree.’

6 Thought-provoking Bill Maher Quotes that will Make You Think

Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit!' — Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit!’

I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist. — I’m not a pessimist, I’m a realist.

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won't say it. — The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won’t say it.

I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.

Be out of the mainstream. I'm out of the mainstream. I enjoy it, who wants to be in the mainstream — Be out of the mainstream. I’m out of the mainstream. I enjoy it, who wants to be in the mainstream?

8 Bill Maher Quotes on Politics

“To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who’s your real friend? It’s the person who tells you the truth. That’s who my real friends are. So, you know, I think as far as our country goes, we need more people who will do that.”
Bill Maher

I'm a libertarian, which means I believe in little or no government interference in our lives until the point where we hurt others. — I’m a libertarian, which means I believe in little or no government interference in our lives until the point where we hurt others.

If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and sheer ignorance as religion is, you'd resign in protest. — If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and sheer ignorance as religion is, you’d resign in protest.

We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists. — We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep and conformists.

We have a Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.

I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?

I never thought I'd say this what Obama needs in his personality is a little George Bush. — I never thought I’d say this: what **Obama** needs in his personality is a little George Bush.

What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country.

2 Bill Maher Quotes on Same Sex Marraige

“New Rule: Gay marriage won’t lead to dog marriage. It is not a slippery slope to rampant inter-species coupling. When women got the right to vote, it didn’t lead to hamsters voting. No court has extended the equal protection clause to salmon. And for the record, all marriages are “same sex” marriages. You get married, and every night, it’s the same sex.”
Bill Maher